Let The Begatting Begin

"In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours."
~ Mark Twain 

My mother used to say, "Enough is enough." She used to say a lot of things actually; some of which I can't include here. But I clearly remember her using the idiom for the same reason I'm thinking of it today. The weather. To be specific – the crappy weather. Of course, it's all part of the natural process of things. Like day becomes night becomes day. I know how things work. Summer begats fall and that begats winter which begats spring and spring begats summer. But I'm thinking we're missing a pretty big begat just about now. Anyone seen the spring into summer thing yet? Because I'm really into begatting that. I'm looking out my window and all I'm seeing is stuff like cold, sideways rain. Squirrels, robins, outdoor patios and crocuses alike are all looking around going, "What's with this pissy weather?"

Wait. Maybe that's it. Maybe there's a significant call of nature thing going on. I'm serious. Like, what could hold anything that important from happening? A sudden urge of the bodily kind, right? Maybe whoever is in control of the warm weather switch was going to make it warm, like it was on their to-do list, but then they had to pee really bad. That would certainly explain all this rain. It's entirely understandable if that's the case. You can't really put off an urge like that, especially if you have an issue with tinkling excessively, which I don't – since I gave up beer – but some people must because adult diapers are flying off the shelves in Japan (according to Bloomberg, they topped the sale of baby diapers last year). And as we all know, along with a fascination with flower arrangements, Karaoke, total quality management, horror films, smartphones, motorcars and non-stick cookware; Japan always leads the pack when it comes to trendsetting. Maybe adult diapers are the coming thing. Maybe Japan knows something that we don't. Maybe people wear them not because they're incontinent but for the convenience: because they prefer going when and where they need to without either interrupting their duties or worrying about filling their shoes. Maybe the stigma is disappearing. This development would surely help if that's what is holding us back from getting some nice, warm, summer-like weather here.

So. Excuses and crossed legs be damned. Whoever is in charge of nice weather has kept everyone waiting long enough. We need some warm weather begatting done here and if Depends are the answer then I say, take the money from petty cash, get a quicky courier going and tell this whoever they are to get on with their job.

I've got some serious vitamin D soaking up to do.