The Curse Of Betraying Body Syndrome

Unless you are one of those perfect (and therefore eminently hateable) people on the planet (and there are a few) chances are you've found yourself in some type of situation that should theoretically easily turn out well but doesn't. You know exactly what you're supposed to do but dark forces take over your bodily functions. In short, your body betrays you. Results turn stinky. You become stinky. No one wants to hang out with you. It's called Betraying Body Syndrome.

In this world of scientific miracles, there must be a cure.

An article in Forbes Magazine from some time ago recommends we all recognize, support and revise our own "self talk". I guess that means that we have to talk to ourselves. And not only that, but we have to listen to what we're saying. From my point of view doing both is fine as long as we don't talk back to ourselves and it doesn't become a disagreement because it's not nice to be internally conflicted. After all, that's what we're trying to get away from in the first place. (And it takes up valuable time when you could be doing neat things, like eating cheeseburgers and watching cartoons.)

Yet another posting suggests we learn to manage our expectation of constant contentment, let go of over-thinking our failures and limit our self-limiting beliefs. All of which is probably true but the focus is a tad negative (which is never good unless you're into things like self-flagellation) and somewhat too new-agey, touchy-feely for those weary of life coaches and superior beings in general.

Some prefer a simpler tactic. Laughter. They think trick to dealing with Betraying Body Syndrome is to maintain a sense of humor. Because when you're able to laugh off your bodily foibles, you're denying them power over you, giving them the old trap door treatment and refusing to let them pile up in a big stink pile. You're showing those nasty acts your body does without your permission that they're just plain comical. Because they are. Learning to laugh at yourself is a technique that has saved many thousands in therapist fees. Well, one anyway. :)

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(Note: Laughing at oneself is sometimes best done internally because you can't walk around laughing all the time – because, you know... weird looks. And also, Betraying Body Syndrome is a fictional condition. The intention of this post is not to make light of serious physical or psychological issues. Consult your physician should you find your situation troubling. Peace out. Rand:)

Canned Popularity

It's a common practice and one that has been handed down through the annals of time – adding canned laughs and applause to sitcoms and game shows. Somehow we're conditioned to think it's easier to laugh at jokes when you hear others laughing, to learn the proper times to laugh (and not make a fool of yourself by laughing at the wrong times). Most of us grew up with these types of prompts.

It seems only natural, I suppose, to see the practice of self-generating prompts evolving today into business causes. Yes, I'm talking about people paying for "likes" in today's social media platforms, so others can see how popular their thread is (theoretically) so others will feel better about liking it themselves. And then (theoretically) the post will get more interaction and your group or company will attain more social media success. But over the past while folks have found their pages not as popular as they once were... for a number of reasons but basically because social media has calmed over the past while.

Up pops opportunistic companies offering illegal likes for a price, most coming from companies that garner likes from third world countries. (The so-called legal way to up your like count is to pay FB to advertise your page.) And they do deliver, evidently. Except a lot of these likes, both legal and otherwise, appear to be fake likes. Just like canned applause and shallow laughter but without the expected uptake.

When social media first hit the scene businesses and interest groups were sold the bill of goods that posts, and pages weren't just a complement to their marketing communications budgets but a cheap replacement. And a lot of them bought in.

Engagement is a natural thing in business and businesses involved in social media; based on keeping in touch, developing rapport, updating and maintaining contact with their present and potential client base. Social media is not supposed to be focused on revenue generation. And those that try to convince otherwise are playing you.

Flatulence By Broccoli

Polite society has always frowned on open discussion of bodily functions but even the best of us sometimes, given the right company and circumstances, cannot suppress a tiny giggle inside when someone toots and blames it on the dog. Truth is, if we're healthy, we all pass gas. Up to 10 farts a day is not unusual. And it seems like a common consensus that broccoli farts are among the "most remarkable". The Mayo Clinic notes that a high-fiber vegetables, such as broccoli, cabbage and sprouts produce the most aromatic of emissions. The fact that these vegetables contain significant amounts of (very healthy) sulfur within their nutrients also contributes to the fact that farts tend to smell extra special for a few hours after consumption. Broccoli and other fibrous vegetables can be difficult to digest by the body, so the intestine creates excess gas. Science has determined that foods which contain galactans (fructose with a molecule of galactose attached) are found in legumes (beans, lentils, etc), Brussels sprouts, and broccoli.

The safety zone of broccoli induced emissions in open air is said to be 10 yards. In enclosed spaces, it is at its most effective and often likened to chemical warfare (mustard gas comes to mind). Entire offices have said to be cleared by a single, even silent, toot. Cabs with closed windows are reported to be the most eye watering. And elevators often prove most effective in terms of social impact.

If you have the gift of extreme and constant flatulence, you might consider pursuing a career as a flatulist. Saint Augustine himself had nothing but high praise for the men who possessed such “command of their bowels, that they can break wind continuously at will, so as to produce the effect of singing.” Whatever your spiritual inclination (or non-inclination), we can all appreciate a religious man who admires artistic achievement.

Here's George...

 

 

The Sad Demise Of White Bread

Back in the fifties and sixties there were two types of bread: white and brown. White was the king: superior because it went with peanut butter and banana without adding an unnecessary third taste to the mix. Brown bread was okay (sometimes made brown with the addition of molasses) but not meant to be consumed daily. Then, things began to change. As things do.

Health freak revolutionaries began inventing things like organic foods and back to nature practices and things like our loved white bread were declared as bad for you. Fiber and bowel movement regularity was pronounced as necessary for a fully lived life. Almost overnight whole grain wheat moved in and took over. Or if white flour could afford it, they became enriched white bread (which we all know is just disguised whole wheat). Life, as we knew it, was over for traditional white bread.

So villanized did white bread become that it became synonymous with a bland and meaningless lifestyle. It denoted clean-cut, middle-of-the-road suburbanite breeders, somewhat reminiscent of the Cleavers from Leave It To Beaver. It became a dreaded white bread culture.

The term became representative of cultural naïvete, blind consumerism, and an unquestioning "follower" mindset. It seems white bread lifestyle traits include board games, Kenny G, SUVs and an irrational fixation on lawn fertilization, two car garages, church on Sunday, GAP clothing, moderate political affiliations, white wine served from boxes, instant coffee, cookie-cutter solutions, trendy advertized scented body washes, and recommended therapies to keep people from freaking out. In fact, people to this day find themselves shunned in social circles for being too white bread.

Having been brought up in an era when white bread was the better of two choices, it would have been nice if this one change hadn't taken place. It was a simpler time, when people didn't have to worry about locking their doors, there were like three channels on the television, the daily newspaper brought all the news you needed to read about, folks actually did math in their heads and didn't carry their phone/camera/computer in their pockets.

Seems like people talked a lot more back then. And got along better with their neighbors.

Life has become a lot more complicated since white bread was deemed a bad thing.