The Smile Or Frown Quandary

They say there are three things to never bring up in conversation – at least conversations that you want to end pleasantly: politics, religion and someone's sex life (or lack thereof). This goes for cocktail parties, kitchen table chinwags, water cooler chats and (these days) social media discussions. But how we react to any conversation can have an effect on even the tamest of topics. 

Now I'm no social scientist. Heck, I'm not even a very good judge of character most of the time – just ask my ex-wife. And as I get older I find I'm becoming more and more socially inept and totally vacuous. But in one of my clearer moments I have figured out when someone makes a comment or statement we have two options of how to react:
1) The Smile Reaction. Even if we don't totally agree with what was said, at least we accept that their point of view has a possibility of holding some truth. At the very least, there is room for respect and cordial conversation. Because after all, there are very few certainties in life and who knows, we might learn something and build a new understanding, or
2) The Frown Reaction. We reject the thought outright as asinine without wasting any time giving it consideration. Consideration is just so wishy-washy. If we're going to be decisive and strong and have a committed stance we might as well go all the way and add a bit of nice radical indignation, bait the person with sarcasm and belittle them. This effectively ends any possibility of further communication... and makes life so simple.

There are lots of various reactions, of course, that fit into the social smiles and frowns spectrum, because life is very complex on purpose – it keeps us from being complacent.

Ultimately I've found the way we choose to react puts us on one of two paths. One path has the potential to lead to constructive situations with the possibility of cookies and ice cream, and the other path points to a whoop-ass acid reflux end.

Knowing how our reactions fit into the grand scheme of things may help us decide how to react. It's an abstract theory of course.

One that is open for both smiles and frowns...

Put Down That Disco Ball

jazz up: to make more lively, gaudy, or appealing

What a glorious and boring life we lead that we have to consciously find ways to jazz things up. How one goes about doing that properly has been the subject of many great debates. If you're thinking of doing something to make life a bit more exciting, you may be faced with possibilities that you may have issues with (especially if, like me, you're not the demonstrative type). For example the ear ring in the nose thing may not be for you. New window treatments may prove to be a tad short of scintillating. And it takes a special person to be satisfied by the placement of sparkly things on your shirts. You might think about getting a killer hamster tattoo but if you can't take pain very well that may not be in the cards. Some buy sporty cars, but if you're not the flashy type (aside from that one pair of shorts with red hearts on it) you've probably crossed that off your list of possibilities; especially if you're not compensating for something tiny. You could travel to foreign lands, I suppose, and put up with all those people speaking strange languages and probably get dysentery or malaria. You could install a disco ball in your living room or fall in love and not tell them or collect inappropriate religious figurines or grocery shop in the buff and get arrested or eat something so spicy that it takes the top of your head off...

...or, you could just turn on a bit of jazz...

"Most of the things you are surrounded with you don’t need. But when you have those things around you, it makes you feel good about living in the world. And it gives you something to look forward to, and it also gives you a way to connect with everything that has happened on earth. It’s like real poor people in the country, on a Sunday, would get dressed up and they wouldn’t have any money but just that little hat with the flower on it…just a little something to make you special and make you sweet. That’s jazz music." ~ Wynton Marsalis

Selling, Promoting, and Communicating

I don't write a lot about business because I'd rather write about other things, but there appears to be some confusion about the difference between marketing, advertising and public relations. These three professions have had their roles and relative values blurred over the past number of years to the extent that people have been led to believe that one can cancel out the other. I don't know why. Perhaps there was profit to be made. So I thought I'd offer my thoughts. Please forgive me for being brief. I know I've left things out. It's a blog.

Marketing is the act of selling a product or service and all the business activities that are entailed. Marketers determine the process involved in bringing products or services together with potential buyers and investors. Generally speaking, if you are a marketer, the more products or services you sell, the more successful you are. Sometimes marketers don't care how they do that and resort to nasty practices like telemarketing and spam to help sell their stuff. This practice is akin to yelling out the window of a moving car.

Advertising is the art of creatively promoting a product or service. People in this occupation formulate a compelling message in a non-personal manner; strategically outlining unique benefits using a combination of various traditional and new media. There are two ends of the spectrum for agencies: 1) those in it for the money, who will put out any message as long as the client approves it, and 2) agencies who knock themselves out over creative excellence. The more creative the work is, the easier it will cut through the clutter and reach the minds they are targeting. They figure if they make a name for quality work, the money will follow. Silly creative people.

Public relations professionals are those who are involved in communicating the activities and values of an organization, providing information on a day-to-day basis about a business, product or service and updates that help clientele and stakeholders stay informed. If they are not the actual public voice of an organization they provide the proper words for senior management. PR folks who mislead or practice avoidance are said to be spinning. Not many do that anymore. Those that do are easy to identify because they're blurry (and dizzy).

Marketing, advertising and public relations are three different, valuable disciplines and come from different focuses and perspectives. Working together, they can help build a successful business effort. But clients should not be fooled into thinking that one skill set can do the job of the other.

Six No-Mess Ways To Depressurize

We're all under a Vesuvius amount of pressure these days. It's both performance-related and associated with all the BS that happens around us. Most of us learn to use stress as a motivator and eat pressure for breakfast. But sometimes it can sneak up on us and all of a sudden we have the mind version of a hernia going on, complete with things popping out that we'd really rather not have popping.

There are things that we can do to be proactive about the stickiness of out-of-control pressures. Here are my top six:
1) Stop listening to everyone. This is your permission to go about life ignoring other people. This includes people who go LOL a lot, online special interest discussion groups, listening to self-help/diet testimonials and is especially essential for protection against those who love talking to hear themselves talk. About 50% of your stress will go away instantly
2) Forget about deadlines. Don't set them and don't let others set them for you. Just work. And if someone should ask you when they're going to get something, begin sobbing uncontrollably. Do this often enough and they'll stop asking and you'll have more uninterrupted time to get stuff done
3) Don't exercise. I cannot emphasize this enough. All working out does is increase the chance of pulling something and creating more stress (and pain). Besides, we all know that exercise leads to hard anabolic-androgenic drugs. If you want to sublimate, it is much more time efficient to primal scream at inanimate objects (the kind that can't yell back). My favorite is the microwave
4) Never look into mirrors. Every time you look in the mirror you increase the chance you'll see something you don't like. The way your hair sits (or is missing). Your nose: it's either too big or just sitting there. The dark circles under your bloodshot eyes and the wrinkles that weren't there yesterday. So do away with the mirror-looking thing. And consider hanging out with ugly old folks. I'm available (for a price)
5) Sleep a lot. The unconscious mind is a wonderful thing. It doesn't cost anything, is easy on the ol' bod and it allows all the toxins that have built up in your brain (caused by thinking all day) to be cleaned away (I just heard that today). If sleeping is impractical, because you happen to be standing for instance, train your brain to zombie out or watch chick flicks (same thing), and
6) Be stupid on purpose. If your fear of making mistakes is putting you under pressure, make some on purpose (in private at first, if you have to). By getting used to not being perfect, even if you are perfect (and you are), you'll reset your perfection expectations and get over your fear. And when you get real brave you too can have a stupid blog (like this one).

So good luck with reducing the amount of unsightly stress in your life. Practice the handy tips above and discover the joy of a depressurized life. And remember, the less you shake up the pop can of life, the less time you'll spend wiping sticky stuff off the ceiling.

Drops That Haven't Yet, At Least Not Fully

A water drop on my clothesline from over the weekend. It had been raining all day.

But is it really a drop if it hasn't made it to the ground yet? Do we call it a drop because it will drop sometime in the future? That it has the unmitigated potential to fall to terra firma? Or is it that it has already dropped from the sky and, yet, never made it all the way? Not a very good quality drop if you ask me. It had one job. To fall from the sky and hit the ground.

These, then, would be drops-to-be. Drops that haven't finished dropping yet. Undropped drops. Someone called a clothesline break on the way down and a group got together to chit chat, perhaps about their future potential together as a puddle. Maybe it was an option in their contract that they ticked off while still up there in the cloud. I would like a stopover on the way down. I realize that this will lengthen the duration of my trip, but I'd like to reflect on the moment. An aesthetic approach.

Unfortunately, or possibly fortunately, some never do make it all the way down. If it stops raining they may dry right there on the line (which is quite apropos, it being a clothesline and all) and become moisture in the air. Maybe evaporation prior to impact with the ground was their goal all along. It would certainly do away with that final nasty splat.

And what about dew drops? They haven't fallen at all. And maybe never will. There isn't a therapist in the world that would help those little guys.

Maybe we call them drops before they've actually dropped all the way because once they have qualified as certified drops they aren't drops any more. They're something else: splatters, or mud, or wet spots on the floor. Sad, that. Really.

It is almost all right. Do not stress that "bent image". Refraction itself does not cause distortion of the image. If you look through a thin lens like a magnifying glass the image is not bent. The distortion is caused by the shape of the droplet: it is not a thin lens. It is thick and irregular in shape. You get similar distorted image in a curved mirror.

Read more: http://www.physicsforums.com

Refraction itself does not cause distortion of the image. If you look through a thin lens like a magnifying glass the image is not bent. The distortion is caused by the shape of the droplet: it is not a thin lens. It is thick and irregular in shape. You get similar distorted image in a curved mirror.

Read more: http://www.physicsforums.com

Is Stupid The New Smart?

“I think the problem with people like this is that they are so stupid that they have no idea how stupid they are. You see, if you are very, very stupid how can you possibly realize that you’re very, very stupid?” ~  John Cleese

Last year, Mr. Cleese was responding to a number of questions online and one asked who, out of three possibilities, might be nominated for the Twit of the Year Award. His brilliant response got me thinking because: 1) this ‘twit’ phenomena doesn't seem to be limited to just those few, and 2) none of them are brainless buffoons. They're intelligent.

And then I thought, oh my God, maybe that's the problem.

As someone who has been stupid their entire life, I have come to the conclusion that we have a problem with intelligent people. All over the planet educated leaders and influencers have: 1) put things into disarray over an assortment of competing political, religious and cultural passions, 2) painted themselves into ethical and moral corners with a combination of ambition and tunnel vision, 3) increased deficits while acting like they were saving the economy – at the expense of humanitarian, environmental and scientific pursuits, and 4) in some cases continue to spread distrust and discontent – all because of unjust events that happened long before their birth. I don't have to cite specific examples. Just open up a newspaper.

Stupid people see things as simply as possible, cut to the chase and come up with simple, fast solutions to fix things. Perhaps we need to look at putting our intelligent people through a ten-step program. Call it Smartoholics Anonymous. They would stand up in front of a crowd and admit they're hooked on being intelligent. Their opening statement would go, “Hello, my name is ______ and I am a smartoholic. I have been ten days stupid.” Then, everyone in the audience would sigh, shed a tear and send out a cheer because they'd know this person was on their way back to being well again.

And then maybe we could get on with the business of dimming down all their bright ideas that have just gotten the rest of us into all this trouble.

The Almighty "We'll See"

Isn't it funny when people say yes when what they really mean is no. Well, funny is the wrong term. Peculiar might be better. It would be helpful if these people came with English subtitles but then again it only takes a few times of having people do this to you to wise up. 

But when people say yes and mean it they're giving you two things: one of the shortest single word sentences in the English language and arguably the most positive one. In some languages they don't have a word for yes. I don't know what they say but I suppose it may be something like certainly or I understand or go with my blessing.

Some English-speaking people seem to never say yes, even though it's readily available for use. In my earlier days that was a mystery to me. I figured they either weren't a permissive person or had a fear of commitment. They'd say we'll see (my mother's favorite term). Ambiguous as it may be, I've recently come to the conclusion that saying we'll see is smart at least some of the time because, you know, sh*t happens and it's difficult to have to change your mind from a solid yes to a solid no without hours of explanation and possible cancellation fees. Going up or down from a we'll see is less of a dramatic jump.

Then there are the times we say yes to ourselves when we should be saying we'll see. This happens when our emotions enter commando mode and perform a coup d'état on the logical part of our mind. In other words; we either make snap decisions against our better judgement, or perhaps someone (namely you in a weak moment) has put it on your bucket (pronounced boo-kay?) list.

Such scenarios may be more understandable in a reckless youth when our bones are more flexible and our brains are not fully formed but with the recent passing of yet another year of life here, I'm understanding the full value of not saying the 'y' word too rashly because the next thing you know you are making a terrible mistake with no possibility of gracefully turning back and, in the case of activities such as bungee jumping, sky diving and swimming with sharks (both human and the other kind); you are putting your well being in serious jeopardy (and in serious violation of several health and safety standards). Screaming like a girl is known to occur at this moment.

We'll see gives you what is called wiggle room. In Canada, we also call it middle-of-the-road politics.

I'm into it.

The Leaf Blower Song

There is a traditional autumn folksong that goes, “What is the penalty for shoving a leaf blower up an 83-year-old's ying-yang?” Surely, you've heard it. It's like a soft, sweet, loving ballad. It was a real hit back in the days of “Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?” and enjoys a brief resurgence every year at about this time.

I don't recall that the lyrics ever go on to supply an answer to the age-old puzzles and I suspect both the leaf blower and the chewing gum questions are rhetorical, but I've been thinking about the leaf blower one lately. I certainly wouldn't expect the consequences would be pleasant as the courts generally frown on things done to octogenarians as a consequence of their playing with power tools.

If you've never heard a leaf blower... can I come live with you? The sound they make can be described as a “stentorian belch” with an effect on a peaceful environment akin to dragging a “chainsaw through a Monet.” They are said to have been invented either by the Japanese (what didn't they invent?) or by a guy named Dom Quinto in the late 1950s as a chemical spraying machine, who soon found customers taking off the chemical spraying bits and using the rest of the machine to create fun dust storms. In any event a new product was born; one that generates wind speeds of up to 270 miles per hour, has the power to put small pebbles through car doors and holds future potential (for me anyway) as a personal hovercraft.

I got a guy here in the neighborhood who just loves his. It doesn't matter if the leaves are down or not, he just likes to go outside and blow stuff around. He'll cut the grass when it doesn't need cutting just so he can get out the blower and send the clippings into the next county. I think it's just an excuse to get out of the house. Or maybe his wife sends him out, telling him to go blow something.

I was thinking I should dig up a copy of the leaf blower song and send it his way. But then I thought, nah. Let the guy have his fun. I'm just glad his dog hasn't taken up the piano...