Sunday, November 11, 2012

Spamspamspamspamwonderfulspam

"Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting." ~ Bill Gates

I live for spam. Not the meat kind, the communication kind. The kind that reminds me of what happens when my bladder is full and I hear a tap running full blast. It motivates me.

Before we had the invention of the internet, prior to email, television and telemarketers, in advance of radio and even before we had newspapers; what did we do? We had people standing on the street corners yelling or peddlers going door-to-door.

These days the conquering forces of capitalism insert themselves into your life freely and unbidden. It keeps life active, interesting and yes, a bit magical. Somewhere the great art director in the sky is pointing at a few boring seconds in your life and saying "We need to put some action in there. Let's try to sell them forklifts and cremation services and send them messages from Olga wondering why you haven't answered her love. Let's offer them the contents of a bank account in Nigeria."

We have always had people interrupting the normal course of our conversations, our peaceful walks, our dinners and our sex lives with sales pitches, pleas and offers. It makes us all feel needed. Part of this wonderful world of marketing and unabashed mass media self-entitlement.

Makes me warm and tingly all over just thinking about it. Let's all sing Hallelujah!


6 comments:

  1. Damn, Rand, you make the stuff seem so appealing.

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  2. Most of my spam seems to address the need for male enhancement. I don't know why the spammers think I need this to know about this so much? I can't imagine them yelling that at women as they're walking down the street, but now that I'm thinking about it, it is pretty funny :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. After getting spam like that I feel like a cigarette...

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  3. Your spam is waaaaay more interesting than mine. I feel like I'm really missing out.

    :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't feel sad. I'll forward you some of mine!

      Delete