Sunday, July 10, 2011

In Flagrante Delicto

A wine label made for a friend prior to my awakening. I'm so ashamed now.
There is a movement afoot to boycott the drinking of wine. Outrageous you say? Grapes have been systematically murdered in vats by women in their bare feet for a long, long time. Archaeological evidence suggests that the earliest known production of wine, made by taking their little dead bodies and fermenting their remains, took place as early as 8,000 years ago in Georgia.

It is perhaps understandable that this travesty of the humble grape was committed back then. Times were tough and cruel things were done in the name of survival (good drinking water was scarce right through the Dark Ages). When safe drinking water became more accessible, grapes should have been freed from their slavery and allowed to return to their natural life cycle. But o-o-o-oh no. People made wine into a sick, hoity-toity tradition in high society gatherings and wine tasting became an art. Utter barbarian.

These grapes have families. There is DNA proof. Take the Riesling family, for example (pictured above). DNA fingerprinting has traced the roots of the Rieslings to the Gouais Blanc family: held in slavery and murdered for their life juices by the French and German peasantry in the Middle Ages. Oh, by the way, Riesling is said to be best drunk when young. Ugh...

Humans have bred, experimented on, spliced, mistreated and stomped on grapes for human consumption for ages. It's time we took a long look at just how humane we really are. In the meantime, "in flagrante delicto" or caught red-footed, is happening in your country, your neighbourhoods and perhaps in your very bathtub.