Sunday, January 12, 2014

12 Things That Lack Great Depth

Here we are in the New Year (plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose). I have been giving some thought to things because that seems to be my job these days. Here's what came out of this addled old brain when I emptied it into a strainer and looked for stuff that just shouldn't be stuck in there. Stuff like this:

1) Reality television shows that feature people you wouldn't have over to your house for stale Cheetos and warm beer – let alone dinner
2) Any message, conversation or post I've encountered that includes the word, “bitch” or any derivative thereof
3) Thoughts of setting up a zombie speed dating service. (It's all downhill once you get past "Aaaaaaarghphglugaaarfff")
4) Anything that came out of the Kardashian camp
5) Popular culture sites that open with a pop up window of Miley Cyrus twerking
6) Memories of eating cold hot dogs straight from the fridge at 3 in the morning (without ketchup)
7) How the toilet bowl appears incredibly shallow, until you drop your keys in it
8) Chick flicks disguised as mystery/action films (they no longer fool me)
9) A Valentine's Day card from your dentist reminding you it's time to have your teeth cleaned
10) Those senior's moments we blame for mismatched socks and the times we laughed way after everyone else did
11) Hearing the words, “How are you?” and “Have a nice day” at supermarket checkouts everywhere, and
12) Memes with cats or bears or nerdy people. Or dogs with crossed eyes. Okay, all memes.



2 comments:

  1. We were on our way to Oakville from Brampton, driving Marie over with art supplies and groceries, when I read this out loud in the car. Michael absolutely agrees with getting rid of the bit about chick flicks disguises ad mystery/action films.

    Tell me, Rand, HOW do you drop your keys into the toilet bowl?

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  2. Ha! I'm not telling. :) Some things are meant to be mysterious. And thank Michael for me. Disguised chick flicks are a blight upon our land... :)

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