Tuesday, October 16, 2012

A Cure For The Sadly Compassionate

You've met my Inner Bag Lady. She's invented a new therapy for those who are confused about what profound crises to care for. It's called Intentional Compassion Fatigue Therapy (ICFT).

More and more we're subjected to all kinds of social unrest, wars, world poverty, global climate change, individual rights, and environmental issues. Add to that the mess that remains after natural disasters like floods, storms and earthquakes. And let's not leave out local causes providing programs for the homeless, the disadvantaged, or the displaced. Then, there are our own families and friends – chances are there is woe going on somewhere in there as well. Society dictates we're supposed to care about all these things but it's all so overwhelming. How can we decide where our concern, charity and compassion should be placed, and in what order?

Inner Bag Lady, of course, has an opinion. "The question should be: Why do we have to care at all? Like, hey, we're busy people. Do we have time for all this lovey-dovey-group-huggy stuff? Just who is responsible for making us responsible for others, anyway? Who are we supposed to be, Mother Theresa?"

Those questions led to her developing the Intentional Compassion Fatigue Therapy. Her three-day getaway seminars include workshops on techniques for becoming so overloaded with strife that any compassion that should creep into your mind will hightail it out of there. Workshops in her seminars include:

1) Marrying the Media. Learn techniques on reading as many newspapers, monitoring as many news sites and watching as many news shows as you can and how this will help your progress to compassion fatigue. Discover how journalism analysts argue that the media has caused widespread compassion fatigue by saturating their pages with stories of tragedy. Theoretically, this causes the public to become cynical or resistant to helping people and it can work for you as well
Gratuitous meaningless 
music demonstrations daily!
2) The Beauty of Doom and Gloom. Fringe religions, wonderfully wacky political groups and anarchist sites offer more fuel for the fire. Find out which ones are the most effective and how to sign up for their e-newsletters and RSS feeds
3) Jobs that Work Gooder. Professions like law and health care are said to be several times more likely to be compassion fatigue friendly than others. Those who have enormous capacity expressing empathy tend to be better disposed for compassion fatigue. Explore these and other fantastic career choices
4) Luring Charities by Phone. Find out how donating and giving your personal information to one telemarketing charity will popularize you and how you'll be besieged by thousands of others with no effort on your own part
5) Beating Yourself with a Sick Granny. This special session includes listening to your host whine ceaselessly for hours about chronic illnesses and failing health issues she has met, and
6) Commercials Worth Watching. Get expert advice about the benefits of watching ads that contain crying babies, weeping celebrities or sorrowful looks from puppies. Free DVD given at the end of the workshop that contains two hours of never-ending pleas.

You too can discover the peace of a decrease in productivity, the inability to focus, and the development of new feelings of incompetency and self doubt.

Workshops take place on exciting street corners, deserted parking lots and abandoned warehouses. The latest in high tech media is provided by looking through shop windows. Comfy accommodations on park benches can be provided at an extra charge. Group rates are available.

Sign up for Inner Bag Lady's next workshop seminar and get your "Who Cares, Not Me" bumper sticker for free.


4 comments:

  1. On this side of Lake Erie we're all suffering from political fatigue. I can't work up CFT before taking the prerequisite PFT course :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Understood. First things first, of course :o)

      Delete