Sunday, July 27, 2014

Charley Chacha: The New Reality

Meet Charley Chacha. He lives in his parent's basement. He's a tad tubby, eats cheesies (which accounts for the yellow fingers on his right hand), anything containing unruly carbohydrates and never goes outside. He is in his mid-twenties, as never had a date let alone an intimate experience – although he did talk to a girl once in high school and knows all the basics from pictures stored on his computer. He plays video games all day, laughs at inappropriate, weird things and if he had to leave the basement his dream would be to live in FarmVille, where he owns acreage, a number of chickens and 3 cows.

His father, Charley Sr., is an underachieving middle manager with male pattern baldness, a skin condition which he believes will go away on its own if he ignores it, grunts when he gets up from chairs, says "Geez" a lot under his breath and hasn't spoken to Charley Jr.'s mother, Gladys, in ten years and a bit. Gladys spends her days crocheting bed pants for the infirmed while humming obscure Beach Boy songs, reading Harlequin Romances (because they take her to lands far away), dusting and doing laundry. Once a week she goes out to play bingo where she once won a fondue set which Charley Sr. won't allow used because it takes too long and he refuses to cook his own meat. When Gladys is out of the house Charley Jr. raids the fridge for cola which he pours over a heaping bowl of sugar-puffed cereal, after which he leaves the empty can and bowl under his bed. There are presently 37 bowls and 52 empty cans in his collection. Gladys, unaware of this collection, is forever buying new bowls from Walmart, where she engages in scintillating 30-second conversations with the cashiers.

This is the stuff that reality television is made of. It's got everything. Quirkiness, an interesting interpersonal dynamic and something to make viewers feel better about their ordinary lives. I'm pitching it to the networks and so far they love it. It has all the factors that add up to successful reality shows, in which unique individuals unselfishly share their special lives with us all.

Budget: the cost of 3 video cameras positioned around the house, a subscription to Better Living Through Crocheting magazine, some skin cream and a year's supply of sugar-puffed cereal.


  1. This seems a little too real -- and that thought is about where I decide our civilization has crumbled.