Warnings, Warners and Warnees

The gates are closed tight and triple shackled with (anti-snap, anti-bump, anti-drill, anti-extraction and anti-pick) locks and fortified with around the clock state-of-the-art electronics that are set to alert the long arm of the law at the first sign of trespass. But traditional wisdom holds that warning signs are required; as if they were a critical element in a comprehensive process of keeping the unauthorized at bay.

Warnings are perplexing things. So of course I felt it my duty to do an extensive, detailed, highly scientific investigation in my mind.

Types of Warnings
There are 7 different types of warnings: 1) Needed. There are honest, valid warnings of potential danger and impending doom. These include shouts like "Watch out for that falling piano that you're standing under because you're about to get squashed" (often shortened to "Watch out!") 2) Vain. Some tell only of a sense of self importance meant only to impress – like one posted on a gate or wall that doesn't really hold anything of value but the owner would like people to believe there is. 3) The Bluff. Example: home security protection signs on the front lawn of a premises not actually equipped with home security protection equipment. 4) Granny State. Some warnings are legislated postings, placed in order to inform a seemingly brainless public of common sense advice. 5) Derriere Protection. Warnings meant not for the well being of others but merely to satisfy fears of law suits. 6) Do That and You're Toast! Others are messages delivered in a blowhard fashion – a tough guy message of things to come if certain conditions are not met. A common response to which is often, "Oh yeah? Try it!" or "You and whose army?" And finally, 7) Satirical. There are those postings that are clearly meant as humorous, lighthearted parodies. "Warning! Attack Cat!" and "Danger! This dog has a gun and refuses to take his medication!" signs come to mind.

Types of Warnees
There are three ways people will react to warnings: 1) Adventurers. There are those lurking who would not just ignore warnings but take them as a challenge. They do things just because they're not supposed to. If there hadn't been a warning these lurkers would be happily doing something else. You try to warn them but there they go doing exactly what you warned them not to do. So you stop warning them and then something happens and what do they say? "Why didn't you warn me?"

Some defiers of warnings take out their frustrations on the very wall that blocks their way. This is evident in practically every urban setting. Their writing is in an ancient language called graffiti; one that combines logographic and alphabetic elements – reminiscent of the hieroglyphs of 3500 BCE Egypt. These inscriptions are often symbolic of petulant attitudes, tantamount in nature to a Monty Python taunt and are not, as commonly thought, an expression of their rebellion but perhaps more of a testament to their impotence. 2) Scaredy Cats. Then there are those who are excessively fearful and heed every warning, cringe at every expression of authority. These are the people who need and live for the superfluous posted flotsam of dire comings. Gullible, saucer shaped eyes take in every exclamation mark. Babes; all. Hiding under the covers in fear of life because nothing is without inherent danger. 3) The Indifferent. This describes myself. It's a rare time that I come across a scene and look for warnings that others have left. And when they are there I'll notice but would gladly live without most. I prefer the living in ignorance thing.

Indifference is bliss. It really is. Or not. Then again, who cares?

“Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.
BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR
per
G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE”
― Mark Twain