The Impending Epidemic of Repost Disease

It's a world of constant change out there with almost daily innovations; technological and otherwise. We scramble to some degree to keep up, lest we miss "the new norm" and are labelled "not with it." Because if we get that label we all know the people who are "with it" think they can eat us for breakfast.

While we play catch-up, it's relatively easy to fake it by tooting slogans du jour from the social media influencers or industry gurus and a lot of people do just that. And keeping up posts and discussions by reciting the teachings of the famous, the powerful and the anal retentive is common practice. But this seemingly harmless but highly infectious behavior is a slippery slope. You may just find yourself suddenly in the gutter, nursing a six pack and sniveling uncontrollably. Because you now have the dreaded Repost Disease. BS levels go through the roof, the drooling begins, knuckles drag on the ground beside your desk and you find yourself only able to post what other people tell you to post. It's so prevalent lately, I've been getting worried that maybe I should be stockpiling vaccine.

Don't get me wrong. I like BS in moderation. I think it can be fun and recreational. But heck, if I'm going to spout BS, which I do (especially on this blog) I'm going to make sure it's my own, it's obvious (i.e. not disguised) and possibly a tad funny.

"BS is not just telling lies or stating untruths for one's own benefit. It's also attempting to portray oneself as someone you're not, or always following the crowd, or sharing opinions that somebody else tells you to share. And Reposting Disease is the bottom of the barrel." ~ (me)

I suspect, as shown in the chart to the right, the more BS people spew is inversely proportional to the amount of trust they garner. In other words, the more BS people post, the least amount of trust you have in them. And I don't know about you but I don't think that's very healthy. In fact, the badly afflicted Reposters are not far removed from those who only say what others tell them they should say in real life. It's something akin to the cashier at the register with the glazed eyes who hands you the receipt and says, "Thank you for shopping at Walmart" or "Have a nice day." I find myself wishing they'd say something real. I love going into a store and hearing a cashier complain about their shitty day. It means they're human. Then, the next day hear maybe what their dog did that made them laugh. This means not only that they are alive but they are their own person with their own lives and that to me is a plus, because I don't want them to be a Walmart clone zombie living a Walmart zombie life.

Personal opinions, discoveries and expressions of individual wonders are healthy, do not normally require preventative medical care and are the stuff of which innovation and progressive thought is made of. Feeding the interaction online in a personal and informed manner spurs other people on to think, respond and grow themselves. And maybe, if you can; you should. And if you find yourself constantly reposting, try posting something original...

...before we're all overwhelmed by posts from people who are just saying what they've been told to say by people who tell people what to say.

My Bizarre History Of Hats

Where did you get that hat?
Where did you get that tile?
Isn't it a nobby one, and just the proper style?
I should like to have one just the same as that!
Whe'er I go they shout, 'Hello!
Where did you get that hat?'

Sorry for the long post today but the subject of hats is a complex one that goes way back in time. Except for the crazy sculptural ones that show up at royal weddings and fashion runways (and such) hats have pretty well disappeared for normal people, men in particular, in the past half century. If I were a person who looked good in hats I suppose I'd wish they'd come back into fashion because I like the idea tipping them at total strangers all the time just to be cordial and civilized. Or pulling the brim down over one eye just to look cool. Nowadays, if we're having a bad hair day and don't want strange looks all we get are baseball caps or maybe a cowboy hat if we're mucking out the stalls in a barn. The lack of hats these days is a shame really. 

Ever since humans began taking care of their appearance heads have been covered, especially wherever sun and rain were severe. As shown by the sculptures of Egypt, the drawings of ancient China, and heads on coins of early Greece and Rome wearing of a hat has always been a mark of rank (not smelly rank – highness of station rank).

Felt is believed to have been discovered by the nomadic tribes of Asia, who made tents and garments by felting sheep's wool. Washing their tents caused them to shrink so much they became their first hats but people found they smelled like wet sheep when it rained so gentlemen stayed indoors if showers were predicted until someone invented the umbrella. In the 14th and 15th century proper head attire was considered necessary for men while it took until the 18th century for millinery fashion to catch on for women. Until then women of class wore men's hats or had Marge Simpson hairdos. 

For a time live, small animals and docile birds were also worn by both men and women especially in winter as they kept the head warm (see Davy Crockett pic, okay it's Fess Parker, with rifle Betsy, right).

By 1600 the use of fur felt took a huge leap when the hat-making qualities of beaver from the New World were discovered. The tall beaver came into fashion and crowns reached a height of 7 inches or more. Short beavers were left alone and today very few tall beavers are found, having been hunted to near extinction.

Next came the derby, invented by William Bowler in London, and was originally a piece of riding headgear. The name came from its appearance at the English Derby. But horses are fine in their place and the derby found itself abandoned in preference the bigger, more stylish summer brim of the straw panama hat and more expansively brimmed soft felt hats in the next fall and winter; thereby leaving the derby wearing for more formal occasions, like hangings and balls and such.

Then all was well with hats and everyone wore either a fedora or a pork pie or a homburg until the 1960's when one's hair became important as a status symbol of hippydom and rock starness. Hats lost their social appeal and thousands of millinery jobs were lost to China. And now when we wear many hats we don't have to be wearing one at all. When you come to me hat in hand your hands may be empty and if you expect something at the drop of the hat or throw your hat in the ring there may not be an actual hat involved at all. Just the suggestion of one. Talking about hats without them being in the room is all old hat now.

I know, I've gone on long enough and have worn out my welcome. "Here's your hat what's your hurry"... I get that a lot. Without being handed an actual hat of course.

Poor Auntie Anteater Is Afraid Of Ants

Poor ol' Auntie Anteater. Deathly afraid of ants. A sad state of affairs. While the rest of the Anteater family loves ants, eating upwards of 30,000 of them a day (each), Auntie Anteater, on the other hand, can't be around them, let alone poke her snout into an ant hill. She doesn't like the taste of them. All the tiny little legs scurrying around give her the heebie-jeebies. And to this day she can't even hear the rhythm of "The Ants Go Marching" without totally losing it.

My mother had the same thing with snakes. Couldn't even watch them on television or hear the word without writhing in disgust. Even the most friendliest of snakes would have her squirming and squealing in terror. Not that we eat snakes in the MacIvor family mind you... still, you catch my drift.

You would think this would make her the black sheep of the Anteater family, beloved Auntie or not. But they try to understand even if they don't and do their best to facilitate her fear.

They suppose her hatred of ants is psychological, due to an unhappy experience while she was a wee one riding the back of her mother but she won't say. My brother had the same thing happen with onion rings. And thus far, no amount of therapy has helped.

So what, you ask, does an anteater eat if it doesn't eat ants? She eats the rarest of foods (chopped into ant-sized bits): Almas Caviar, Kobe beef from Wagyu cows in Japan and White Truffles. Quite the bother. She had to marry for money instead of love. But, luckily she also has a love of ketchup and this gets her through on those days when she can't find the rare stuff. Like the rest of the Anteater family, she has no teeth and a tongue that can measure up to 2 feet in length which makes her very good at getting the last of the ketchup out of the bottle. Being virtually indistinguishable in appearance from the rest of the Anteaters who do eat ants, one can usually recognize her by the collection of very clean Heinz bottles scattered about.

Life is funny like that sometimes. So be nice to someone today who has a fear of something they wouldn't if it was a totally rational world. Because we all know it's not always a totally rational world, through no fault of folks like Auntie Anteater.

Things On Sticks

I don't know whose idea it was to put things on a stick. Musta been a pretty smart cookie though.

Human beings have probably been putting stuff on sticks since the ol' opposable thumb thing happened. Maybe some dude or dudette was eating Tyrannosaurus rex drumsticks one night and discovered they have a knob on the end that allowed them to pick up their food without having to put their fingers all over the end with the meat on it that they were going to eat. And the next day when they were spearing fish or small rodents – they said to themselves, "Hey, maybe I'll just leave it on the stick to eat it."

It's a mystery lost in time. But I'm pretty sure it lead to popsicles and other neat things. 'Cause things on sticks are cool.

Things on sticks isn't the same thing as 'sticky things' but sticky things are great when put on sticks. Candy apples to name one. Marshmallow brooms and all-day suckers are pretty sticky if you let them heat up in your pocket for a bit.

(not an actual tag line)

When I was a kid, popsicles (invented by mistake by eleven-year old Frank Epperson in 1905) came with two sticks and a dent running down the middle that helped you break the popsicle into two when you hit it against the corner of the building outside the store (while still in the wrapper) to share with a buddy. You had to eat them right away while sitting on the curb on a hot summer day because even with your 3-speed Supercycle they wouldn't last if you tried to take them home. And the great thing was if you saved up all your popsicle sticks you could glue them together and make boxes for trinkets or death-defying jumps for sandbox dinky toys.

And you want hot? Get yourself a hot dog dipped in batter on a stick and you save yourself the cost of a bun. If you're into lining small bits up and eating them in a row, give yourself over to exotic yogurt-marinated lamb kebabs or Thai chicken satay with a spicy peanut sauce.

Cold or hot, it's all about convenience and allure and most of all, it's all about the stick. About the only thing that isn't better on a stick is anything thin, slippery and long; like spaghetti... or worms. (Although I hear snakes on a stick are great... with cinnamon.)

There's a phrase in Dutch that goes, "Alle gekheid op een stokje." I don't speak Dutch but I'm told it translates to, "All the silliness on a stick" – and is what people from Holland say when they want to say, "Joking aside," or, "Silliness is great but let's get down to business." The fact that they make it a point to put their silliness on a stick says to me that they recognize that sticks make even silliness better.

This made me realize that things other than food can be put on sticks to make them go from good to great.

So, of course, this week I went around putting things on sticks. I think they look much better.

You can do your bit to make things better too.  

Out Of Context

I'd like it to be known I am now out of context. It's not like I had some and now have none left. I was not taken out of context, nor was I forced out. I am leaving context voluntarily.

Context is so limiting. It enslaves meanings to just one, when we all know there are many meanings one can apply when looking at a group of words. It's best to allow people to pick out a few words that suit their purpose. They're going to anyway.

I'm not talking about double entendres, where a line intentionally has two meanings, like "Kids make wonderful snacks," or "The man should get 5 years in the stolen guitar case." This is different.

People who live life out of context do so by:
1) not saying anything (knowing nods and one-eyebrow-raised expressions are permitted but major body language is discouraged)
2) being totally vacuous, noncommittal and unopinionated – or alternatively saying something off-topic like making a statement about grape-flavored lollypops in a discussion on nuclear power... or
3) whenever they have a complete, well-defined thought they jump right from it to a meaning that is not what they meant. For example, instead of saying "I thought the film was great if you don't mind a lack of acting talent, poor script, disjointed storyline and a plot interest reminiscent of a bad Harlequin Romance" they just say "I thought the film was great." It's sorta like cutting out the middle man and taking control of changing their own context before Quote Miners and Contextomers can get to it.

From now on please quote me in whatever context you like. Or, if you're stuck for one you can always use the old standby: Rand said, "No comment."

Controlling Attitudes and Opinions

Well, well, well. The Christmas season is upon us. Black Friday is just past, with about 11,000 shoppers in lines wrapped around Macy's in New York City at midnight this year, beginning the buying frenzy. And the seasonal advertising has begun in earnest.

Everyone knows what advertising is. Heck, all you have to do it pick up a newspaper, or turn on your television and there it is – intrusive and irksome. But Professor Noam Chomsky, American linguist, philosopher, cognitive scientist, logician, historian, political critic, and activist thinks advertising is actually a tool designed to keep us from thinking logically.

It seems that the good Professor proposes that the leaders of our capitalistic society, one based on the value of money over people, need to control people's attitudes and opinions to keep those who run things running things. What better way of doing so but to keep minds making decisions based on emotions and not logic? And since before the turn of the 20th century the advertising industry has been doing just that.

Evidently the business literature of the period talked about how it's necessary to focus people on the superficial things of life, like fashionable consumption. In theory, the free market system is supposed to be based on informed consumers making rational choices (just like democracy). But in reality commercial advertising is creating uninformed consumers who make irrational choices based purely on emotion. A few minutes watching television should convince anyone that the goal of most advertising is not to inform, it is to influence.

So, are we being controlled or is this just another conspiracy theory generated by arguably one of the most brilliant minds of our generation? Are we being influenced away from informed decision-making by catch phrases, cleverly executed advertising messaging invading our every waking moment and shaping our attitudes and opinions?

I'm not sure but I think the answer lies with the Slinky.

(For a transcript of a recent interview with Chomsky, which puts this - and more - in his own words, visit here.)

My Brain Needs Turning On

I wish I was one of those guys who could turn their brain on at will. Mine goes into sleep mode far too often these days.

Some people say keeping your brain turned on regularly is a very dangerous thing to do. Other people may notice and begin to expect it of you all the time. But I believe in the old adage "Abuse it or lose it." Wait, that's "Use it or lose it." (Freudian slip)

So I have to get my brain turned on soon. I know this because:
1) Neighborhood Watch has placed me on its "Zombie Watch List"
2) My GP tells me if I stay mellow for much longer I could permanently lose my ability to be persnickety
3) The Rip Van Winkle Society keeps calling asking me to be their new poster boy
4) There's a picture of me on milk cartons under the headline "Missing"
5) The power company shut off my electricity and I didn't notice for two weeks
6) The cat's taken up residence on my chest and I now have a permanent indentation
7) People talk about me like I'm not even in the room
8) I'm listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's largest paperweight
9) The International Garbageworkers Union has filed a grievance, suspicious I'm taking my trash to the dump myself
10) I know it's Wednesday but I'm just not quite sure what week (or year).

So I have to flip my switch. I think I'll need the heavy duty treatment: head banging music and strong coffee. Let's see if my coffeemaker is where I think I left it. And if I own milk that isn't so far past its best before date that it's a health hazard.

If you smell smoke I'm told that's normal.

I may need jumper cables so stay close to your phone.

Bones of Contention

(Not Recommended)

When someone says "I have a bone to pick with you," it usually means you'll probably end up explaining some aspect of yourself.

I don't mind that. Let them spurt it out, then either explain or tell them to go away. Done like dinner. Simple. Move on.

Having a bone of contention (14th C – from the image of two dogs fighting over the same bone), on the other hand, is much messier because it involves having to work out some issue with someone else. Which necessitates (shudder) human interaction. It sometimes takes years to work out. People get stinky and spend time proposing resolutions that they know the other party is not going to accept, because they know they both have diametrically opposing viewpoints. But everyone does it just to piss the other party off and by doing so it allows them to complain to their followers that they have solved the issue but the other party is not facing reality. Everything becomes more entangled. Unless, the two parties should cooperate. But that never happens. No points in being agreeable. Set up an official task force who proposes sending it to a special committee complete with break-away sessions. Surely, everyone agrees, a committee will hammer out a solution. Meetings and retreats are planned. People argue over the seating plan and dates. Rubber chicken or mystery meat? Fit a day of golf in. Plan revenge should things not go their way. Get deadlocked. Break off talks. Appeal to the press. Reschedule talks. Repeat. Issue becomes lost in committee.

Everyone forgets what the bone of contention was in the first place.

Call in Bob for a song. Everybody likes Bob. Bob we can agree upon.

10 Things About Being A Superhero

There aren't enough superheroes in the world. If you're thinking about becoming one: good for you. It's not easy being a champion of truth and justice. You have to go around picking up litter, being nice to babies and cleaning up other people's messes all the time, often with no thanks. Time off is unheard of and you don't get overtime. In fact, it doesn't pay at all. It gets more difficult as time goes on to tell the bad guys from the good and sometimes you'll wonder why you keep saving the world.

And when you get older you'll notice certain things:
1) The spandex doesn't fit quite like it once did
2) Kids have better technology than what's in your secret headquarters
3) Taking the elevator makes more sense than jumping from tall buildings
4) Post nasal drip is no fun when you're wearing a mask
5) The whole secret identity thing gets mistaken for duo personality disorder too often
6) Chicks snicker when they check out your butt
7) Your utility belt keeps sticking in your back whenever you sit down
8) The damned cape keeps getting stuck in doors
9) You get real tired hearing people tell you Halloween is over, and
10) Your arch enemies include old ladies with 9 items in an 8 item express checkout lane.

You can tell I shoot from the hip. I figure, forewarned is forearmed. Good luck out there. If you need a logo let me know.

Spamspamspamspamwonderfulspam

"Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting." ~ Bill Gates

I live for spam. Not the meat kind, the communication kind. The kind that reminds me of what happens when my bladder is full and I hear a tap running full blast. It motivates me.

Before we had the invention of the internet, prior to email, television and telemarketers, in advance of radio and even before we had newspapers; what did we do? We had people standing on the street corners yelling or peddlers going door-to-door.

These days the conquering forces of capitalism insert themselves into your life freely and unbidden. It keeps life active, interesting and yes, a bit magical. Somewhere the great art director in the sky is pointing at a few boring seconds in your life and saying "We need to put some action in there. Let's try to sell them forklifts and cremation services and send them messages from Olga wondering why you haven't answered her love. Let's offer them the contents of a bank account in Nigeria."

We have always had people interrupting the normal course of our conversations, our peaceful walks, our dinners and our sex lives with sales pitches, pleas and offers. It makes us all feel needed. Part of this wonderful world of marketing and unabashed mass media self-entitlement.

Makes me warm and tingly all over just thinking about it. Let's all sing Hallelujah!

The "How To" Expert In Me

The "How to" movement has invaded social media with gusto. Don't you just love all the people that are so concerned about our well being that they are willing to share advice on how to make our lives better? It warms the cockles of my heart. How to make more money, how to maximize our social media experience or how to be a better person... the list of ways to improve ourselves seems endless.

All these words of wisdom, of course, come from very important people called experts. They have to be experts because the success of these messages is based on a thing called credibility. Credibility translates into believability and therefore readership buy in.

So I thought, gee, I'm a caring person. And I'm good at stuff. I should be an expert at something and help others too. I put my thinking cap on. (Remember those? They're invisible and are tied under your chin with an invisible string.) What can I give to the world that will better the lives of people just like you?

After thinking long and hard "wacky" won. I can see those of you out there who know me nodding your heads in unison. I define "wackiness" as the art of being intelligently stupid. It is harmless behavior intended to enliven spirits and elevate the moods of others out of humdrum. Throughout my considerable length of time on earth finding new wacky things (as opposed to old wacko things) to do spontaneously has gotten me through some tough times and made good times more memorable. I continue to keep a shelf full of wackiness stockpiled. And I believe that if I keep it up the rest of my life will be tolerable. So there. My bit for the good of humankind. Feel free to share.

(Insert whoopee cushion noise here.)

No Whine Before Its Time

“It takes a genius to whine appealingly.” ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

Some say whines should be gulped (cretins all) and some say sipped. But a very few recognize they should be rolled around on the tongue and savored. For most, whining is a Friday night on the town with the girls, a pastime or a hobby, but to a select few of proper breeding – a passion. And to true connoisseurs there is nothing more aggravating in this world than finding a fantastic, extraordinary whine with no appropriate time or place to enjoy it.

Introducing a service that guarantees that the whines you love are sent not to undeserving ears but saved for the most distinctive of palates.

Is your boss making you work overtime? Are your whites not white? Are your Vanilla Sugar Cookie scented Air Wicks just not satisfying? Are the edges on your new PowerBook too sharp? Is your Tumblr account down and you have nothing at all to do? Are you bored with your life and have no one to whine with because you're afraid of being labelled a whine-o-holic by those who are not properly educated? Don't waste them. Save them as whines of distinction. We here at MacIvor Of Purgatory will bottle your best gripes with care and discerning taste.  

Yes, you can keep a full cellar of the best and proudly display it for selected dignitaries to drool over.

Because, as we all know, the best place for fine whines... is in a bottle... with the cork firmly set in place.

Why I Don't Own The Interweb

It's tough being a visionary.

When I was just five years old I sent the concept of the interweb to J. C. R. Licklider. Reluctant at first, it took him a full year before he finally went public with the idea in 1960. Technology caught up and it became a global phenomena in the '80s and then commercialized in the '90s. All along I urged the powers that be to keep my name out of it.

Why? The world of idea generation isn't always a pleasant place. I had a few hiccups when I envisioned betamax, the new Coke, blue ketchup and the 1970 AMC Gremlin and I didn't need another lemon on my record. So, the service belongs to everyone, not me. It's safer that way. No one gets upset at me if it goes all wonky.

As of 2011 more than 2.2 billion people use the service and having that many people in one place leaves the possibility open for certain icky factors to creep in. But, being human means taking the bad with the good. And the interweb is a human experience: therefore it's only natural that there will be 'web bad'.

Just remember, it's not my fault.

Have to go. I'm working on a beer container made of recycled organic pretzels that you don't have to tip to drink. It opens on the bottom and you just hold it above your mouth. Works with gravity. To stop the flow you just turn it upside down, or put your thumb over the opening. And you can eat the empties. Very environmentally friendly. You heard it here first.

3 Years...

And you all thought I wouldn't remember. Ha! Today marks the three-year anniversary of Rand's Place (hoo-ha-ramalama-ding-dong!)

This haven of pretentious banter, somewhat wacky and sometimes questionable logic was launched Tuesday, October 27, 2009.

In celebration, I present some images from posts over the past three years.

 

Thank you for allowing me to share some work  

  

Images from the past (I'm the one on the right)

 

Home action

 

Colleagues in action

 

Three dimensional work

 

Images from my backyard

 

'Poke in the eye' moments

 

Reflected images

 

Graphic explorations

 

Preposterous theories

 

 

Intense tributes

 

Silly Bag Lady moments

 

Personal definitions

 

 

Popular revelations

 

Professional moments

 

Repurposed punctuation

 

 

Notes to Mom

Business theories

  

And some loves lost.

Thanks for all your visits and comments!

You, Me, David Niven and the Universe

About three this morning I woke up with the perfect introduction to this post. And I remember thinking at the time that I'll never remember this because those great ideas that we have in our dreams never stick around. But when I got up the thought was still there. I went, "Cool." Then I fed the cat and brushed my teeth, answered a phone call and watched the news and checked my email. And then I looked around for my great intro from three a.m. to find it gone. Fickle things, those dream thoughts.

It was about how many of us live our life from a myopic viewpoint. We have to because it's the stuff closest to us that affects us more often than not. It's the little dog nipping at our heels that gets our attention, not the big one on the other side of the fence. And when we're that used to looking at stuff up close it's no wonder that when we look up and try to make sense of the big picture that our vision is a bit blurred. It's like looking at something fuzzy but still there. Like a thought in a dream. It takes a few blinks to focus. Or corrective lenses. (Telescopes, on the other hand don't help. They just see things far away.)

Maybe we're all just absorbed in trying to being perfect or pay the bills or we have David Niven dancing with Deborah Kerr in a corner of our mind, saying, "Keep the circus going inside you, keep it going, don`t take anything too seriously, it'll all work out in the end."

The above diagram is a crass generalization of course, because there are a million variations. Everyone's would be different based on their circumstances. And I didn't have the time to do everyone's. But you get the idea.

I don't consider this exercise a neurotic fixation on the big picture but more a conversation about the value of putting our relationships with others in their place. Being conscious of the big picture and where we are in relation to the influences around us, as we all move toward the future, helps us stop being freaked so often. And it permits us to recognize and ignore whatever is not important.

Gotta go. Somewhere in society cowbells are ringing and I have to go ignore them consciously.

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Thanks for the feedback from FB friends who were kind enough to comment on a rough of this graphic. Thanks to Ron (who wanted more "you"... and cowbells), Linda who agreed about the cowbells thing, Kristy who thought the area that was then "things that are not possible" should really be "pie in the sky things", and Vonnie who thought the "you" should be closer to the "me". And thanks also to Manda, Charlotte, Christine and Jen for validation and moral support.

That'll Be The Day

This post is early, Pilgrim. It'll have to come back tomorrow at high noon but not after that because then it will be late and people's time is valuable. So it'll be back tomorrow. Will the post be done by then, all prettied up and presented with a bow? Ha! That'll be the day.

Wait. Bright, shiny object.

This phrase was said twice in a 1956 film called The Searchers, (amazingly, the photo-illustrations above are images from the same movie). The first time Mr. Wayne said it was as an answer to, "You wanna quit, Ethan?" And the second time was in response to "I hope you die." To which the Duke (who wasn't officially the Duke yet) said, "That'll be the day." What a great phrase that is. Short, direct, to the point and a little sarcastic when used in the proper manner.

There are so few phrases in the English lexicon that have added as much to the well being of the world. Heck, it stopped WW3 before it started. Trust me. True. And how many a crime or an unwanted baby has not been conceived because of this phrase? Think about various potential messy situations where when the bad guys were on the verge of doing what they did and they had the idea but instead of doing it they considered it but said to themselves, "That'll be the day!" Things like this never make the news. Think of all those suicide bombers. They may not even know English but all they'd have to learn is this one phrase, say it and then they could go home to their families instead of blowing themselves up. What if we were to teach people that the only answer to "Hungry?" or  "Poor?" or "In trouble?" is "That'll be the day." Then maybe the phrase could be put up for the Pulitzer Peace Prize.

So when tomorrow is actually today and I'm waiting for answers to difficult questions; I've decided that waiting for a time when more people answered with this phrase to be well worth waiting a bit longer for. Come back then. We'll have a party.

And won't that be a day?

------------------------------------------------

The Searchers was a favorite of several directors including Steven Spielberg, Martin Scorsese and George Lucas. It was said to be the first Western in which racism and sexuality was explored in a serious and unpretentious way. Buddy Holly was so impressed with the phrase he and Jerry Allison wrote a song about it in June 1956.

A Cure For The Sadly Compassionate

You've met my Inner Bag Lady. She's invented a new therapy for those who are confused about what profound crises to care for. It's called Intentional Compassion Fatigue Therapy (ICFT).

More and more we're subjected to all kinds of social unrest, wars, world poverty, global climate change, individual rights, and environmental issues. Add to that the mess that remains after natural disasters like floods, storms and earthquakes. And let's not leave out local causes providing programs for the homeless, the disadvantaged, or the displaced. Then, there are our own families and friends – chances are there is woe going on somewhere in there as well. Society dictates we're supposed to care about all these things but it's all so overwhelming. How can we decide where our concern, charity and compassion should be placed, and in what order?

Inner Bag Lady, of course, has an opinion. "The question should be: Why do we have to care at all? Like, hey, we're busy people. Do we have time for all this lovey-dovey-group-huggy stuff? Just who is responsible for making us responsible for others, anyway? Who are we supposed to be, Mother Theresa?"

Those questions led to her developing the Intentional Compassion Fatigue Therapy. Her three-day getaway seminars include workshops on techniques for becoming so overloaded with strife that any compassion that should creep into your mind will hightail it out of there. Workshops in her seminars include:

1) Marrying the Media. Learn techniques on reading as many newspapers, monitoring as many news sites and watching as many news shows as you can and how this will help your progress to compassion fatigue. Discover how journalism analysts argue that the media has caused widespread compassion fatigue by saturating their pages with stories of tragedy. Theoretically, this causes the public to become cynical or resistant to helping people and it can work for you as well

Gratuitous meaningless 
music demonstrations daily!

2) The Beauty of Doom and Gloom. Fringe religions, wonderfully wacky political groups and anarchist sites offer more fuel for the fire. Find out which ones are the most effective and how to sign up for their e-newsletters and RSS feeds
3) Jobs that Work Gooder. Professions like law and health care are said to be several times more likely to be compassion fatigue friendly than others. Those who have enormous capacity expressing empathy tend to be better disposed for compassion fatigue. Explore these and other fantastic career choices
4) Luring Charities by Phone. Find out how donating and giving your personal information to one telemarketing charity will popularize you and how you'll be besieged by thousands of others with no effort on your own part
5) Beating Yourself with a Sick Granny. This special session includes listening to your host whine ceaselessly for hours about chronic illnesses and failing health issues she has met, and
6) Commercials Worth Watching. Get expert advice about the benefits of watching ads that contain crying babies, weeping celebrities or sorrowful looks from puppies. Free DVD given at the end of the workshop that contains two hours of never-ending pleas.

You too can discover the peace of a decrease in productivity, the inability to focus, and the development of new feelings of incompetency and self doubt.

Workshops take place on exciting street corners, deserted parking lots and abandoned warehouses. The latest in high tech media is provided by looking through shop windows. Comfy accommodations on park benches can be provided at an extra charge. Group rates are available.

Sign up for Inner Bag Lady's next workshop seminar and get your "Who Cares, Not Me" bumper sticker for free.

Chill Out, It's All Cool

Let's talk about cool. Not the temperature kind, and not the keeping your bearings under stress kind: the quality of stuff kind.

According the Wikipedia this kind of "cool" is an admired aesthetic of attitude, behavior, comportment, appearance and style, influenced by and a product of the Zeitgeist (the spirit of the times). Because of the varied connotations of cool the word has no single meaning. They say Aristotle got the concept of cool way back. His notion of cool is to be found in his ethical writings, most particularly the Nicomachean Ethics. Contemporary cool began in 1940's hot jazz clubs where they'd open up the windows late at night to clear the hot, smokey air and gave birth to cool jazz and the beat generation.

Cool is a funny thing. You can't hold it or possess it. And you can't catch it like you can a cold. You can only observe it and appreciate it. What is cool to you may not be cool to anyone else and that's okay because you can appreciate that there are different flavors of cools.

The factors that make up cool have changed over time. And cool has been maligned, misused and overused by people who don't understand the concept but just wanted to appear cool. But at the end of the day certain things will always be totally cool to me. Being able to play while you work. That first kiss with someone who you never thought you'd be able to kiss – and finding them kissing you back. Reading a book that grabs you as soon as you crack open the cover and doesn't let you go until you reach the last page. It's seeing a piece of art or design that makes you stop and go "wow". It's hearing a little kid's uncontrollable laughter and listening to a musician perform for you what they've spent a lifetime practicing. It's knowing that someone is not just listening to you but is hearing you. Cool is seeing someone struggle for so long and finally succeeding.

And it's someone who doesn't think they're cool at all... but are. Like you.

There Just Ain't No Justice

For a few weeks each year nature sends notice that winter approaches. Temperatures begin to drop, squirrels rummage for food to fill their larders for the coming winter, and it's all heralded by a dramatic show of autumnal color.

In reality we are witnessing a heinous crime.

The Unfair, Cruel and Inhumane Manufacturing Employment Practices of the Common Deciduous Tree
It's a sad example of how a factory employs workers when times are good and discards them the moment things get a bit difficult.

The industry of turning water and carbon dioxide into oxygen and sugar is called photosynthesis. Trees excel at this business. Roots are drilled to take water from the ground and leaves are employed to extract carbon dioxide from the air and use the sunlight they absorb to turn the water and carbon dioxide into oxygen and glucose. Leaves are hard workers. They toil tirelessly seven days a week from sun up to sundown without overtime pay, health care, sick days, lunch or dinner breaks, vacations at the beach or chance for promotion.

Both oxygen and glucose (sugar) are highly valuable products. The tree finds a ready market for the oxygen (people use it to live and breathe) and uses the sugar either for maple syrup, or to open up new branches. When everything is hunky dory and the raw materials are plentiful, the leaves of deciduous trees are kept rich with the promise of endless chlorophyll for all.

But this turns out to be just a ruse on the part of the tree's management team.

In the autumn when the days get shorter and dryer, management gets the jitters and begins to think about curbing production until the supply of raw materials and cheap energy is back to where they like it (and to ensure their year-end bonuses are safe). While they have enough product stored in their trunks to sustain them until next year, they say they can't afford to feed unproductive workers. They need to cut costs. So what do they do? They shut down the shop floor. The supply of green chlorophyll is cold-bloodedly shut off from the leaves, leaving them a ghastly yellow and orange color. They're left out in the cold to whither and die silently and drift to the ground to be cursed at by people who have to rake.

This happens every year.

The Zen Of Nothing

"There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do." ~ Bill Watterson 
 

Nothing has always gotten such a bad rap. It's a word people use to denote things lacking importance, value, relevance, or significance.

Western philosophers have bitched back and forth over the centuries about whether the concept of "nothing" even existed. Parmenides argued that "nothing" cannot exist because for something to exist it must be real. Aristotle provided a work-around by stating "nothing" is a container in which objects can be placed.

Common man philosophers nowadays say that when you have nothing you have nothing left to lose (geez, that would make a really great song). It's a zen thing I suppose.

You may have something there when you're happy with nothing and everyone else aspires to have everything (and can't possibly). Truth is, there are huge benefits with having, being, or representing nothing. If you have nothing in your pockets and nothing to declare you whisk through airline security like nobody's business. If you are privy to nothing and witness nothing no one will ever call you to testify in court. If you normally have nothing to say people will stop and listen when you finally do. And if you have nothing in mind, at least you have lots of room should something happen along. When you have nothing on your agenda you have plenty of time to knock about and look around at stuff you probably wouldn't have noticed otherwise... then there are the naps you suddenly have time for.

So maybe there's more to nothing than we think. 

My Birthday Present To You

Home video taken today from my home in Canada. Geez, I hope it looks okay... All my best to all. Love Rand

10 Ways To Get Your Very Own Creative Block

It's such a luxury: creative block. You get to take a break and do nothing but complain. And the angst associated with it proves one to be a true professional because who else could get creative block than those who are truly creative. It goes under a number of different names: writer's block is the most recognized – first described in 1947 by psychoanalyst Edmund Bergler. Artist's block and blogger's block are becoming just as well known.

There is much written material these days on how to get rid of one (like they're a bad thing or something), but really no literature at all about how to get one. So for those whose minds just won't turn off, who are working too hard and needing to take a break; I offer these tips:
1) Stop working. Rule number one. If you're a writer, stop writing. If you're an artist, stop. You can't expect a decent creative block to hang out for long if you're still working
2) Do not sleep. Giving the brain a break and putting it to sleep will just give it a chance to rejuvenate itself. Similarly, daytime naps are super bad
3) Do not read books or surf the web. There is a danger that the stimulation that comes from the work of other people will keep the gears turning in your mind. Too many books and sites contain highly creative thoughts which may give you ideas of your own. Instead, try the herding of cats in your mind thing
4) Change your socks only when holes appear. I don't know why this is effective but trust me, it works. If you find yourself on the way to the sock drawer, practice being distracted by bright, shiny objects
5) Stay away from art galleries, museums and coffee table books. Again, it's the stimulation thing. As an alternative you might try watching the daily debate on the political channel or zone out in front of the Shopper's Channel. Sure to frustrate
6) Stay out of the shower. Too many times great ideas and inspiration comes from menial tasks that let the mind flow. Same goes with doing dishes, washing the car and watching grass grow
7) Personal grooming should be avoided. Try to look the part at least. The more tortured you appear and the more you look at yourself both in the mirror and through the eyes of others, the more real your creative block will seem; until it is
8) Eat comfort food. Heavy foods will slow the mind and pave the way for your creative block. Things like pound cakes with super sweet icing, pizza, extra greasy foods and roast beef will keep you weighed down and unresponsive. You might want to stay away from greens and fruit
9) Do not go for long, calming walks. Breathing fresh air and performing any type of exercise may be good for the body but do nothing for brains longing for a block, and/or
10) Yell at inanimate objects. Practice blaming innocent things on your lack of fame and progress. And do not see the humor in yelling at one's microwave. It defeats the purpose.

Many people will find some things will work for them and some things won't. That's completely okay because your creative block should be personalized for maximum longevity. There are no rules. 

Good luck and hope this helps!