More Unsaid Quotes

"Falling down is the first thing they tell you not to do in Walking School. then they tell you, "That's all you need to know. Class dismissed."

"Never buy a blow up doll if it's ticking."

"Is it okay to ask you a question or would you prefer only statements so you can correct me with your prissy face?"

"Is it such a crime to put toes into finger bowls? The maître d' seemed to think so. So, I asked for a toe bowl. He said they didn't have any. "And you call this a classy joint," I said."

"From the Can't Understand File: Talking to people on the phone while naked never seemed to be an issue. Why would it be on Skype?"

"Yesterday I hadn't seen the kitten for a while so I went looking for him just to make sure he was okay. From the guest bed upstairs he looked up at me and said, "You okay?"

"I wouldn't mind having more stilted conversations but I'm afraid of heights."

"When I was very young I thought it rude to look at French dressing in the refrigerator."

"I had a working title for a project once but it took too many coffee breaks."

"If existential angst is the anxiety of the meaninglessness of existence, then existential bliss must be the relief of knowing no matter how poorly you do, it's all meaningless."

"I saw a nude mannequin in a shop window but it really wasn't naked. I inquired and they told me it was wearing an invisible outfit. I tried to buy one but they couldn't find it in my size."

"I tried tap dancing once but the faucets kept breaking."

"I don't really care what kind of shape I'm in, but if I get to pick I'd say diamond shape. Then I could go into the glass cutting business."

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