The Art Of Gathering Human Intelligence

Okay, I may seem like a boring middle-aged, management type, but do not be deceived. The reality is I have been a secret agent for over thirty years: infiltrating and collecting evidence of Human Intelligence (HUMINT). This is not only a dangerous avenue of spycraft but one can go long periods of time between the findings of evidence.

Even though most of my sources are of the "cooperative and friendly" type, one can never let one's guard down. During the course of my espionage career I have assumed many disguises: all subtle and learned from spy novels. How the putting on of a wig and a dress can shake a tail. How growing a grey goatee can make you look 20 years older... and stooping when you walk gives people the impression you are shorter than you really are.

Interrogation techniques, like the mastery of the act of drooling stupidity, can be quite effective. People are apt to talk about things in front of you. Secret things. Things they figure you can't understand. And okay, maybe you don't but if you remember certain key phrases long enough to steal away to the washroom and write them down on toilet paper (and then eat it), you can pass this information on later.

The reporting of human intelligence might seem quite easy to the layperson but the spy industry knows there is no security in high tech methods. Cell phones, email accounts and such can be easily hacked with a mobile scanner. Instead, the industry has returned to the tried but true Cold War methods. Wearing a flower and meeting on a park bench is good. But dead drops are ideal. I can't tell you how many coded messages I've inserted into a folded newspaper, dropped nonchalantly into my recycle box and left at the curb on Sunday night (with a piece of masking tape on the side to let my superiors know the drop has been made). Sure enough, the next morning the box is empty.

So, I'm sharing this information with you knowing that you'll keep it under your hat. I never said this and I was never here. And should you have some human intelligence to pass on, you know how to contact me... the usual spot. I'll be the short, old, drooling, grey-bearded lady with the white carnation.